What Are You Doing? Seriously! Are You Nuts?

Intro

It seems to be a popular question these days. I hear it all the time. I tell people “Yes, I’m really moving to Florida.” The response is almost unanimous: “But why? Have you really thought this all the way through? Why would you want to move away from your daughter?” The simple answer to that question is a resounding “Yes! I have thought it all the way through”. I realize it doesn’t make sense to everyone and I don’t expect that I will change many minds by simply documenting the journey to this decision. But it might.

I believe that there comes a time in every Christian’s life that they have to make a difficult decision: Do I follow God or not? It seems that a decision such as this presents itself to us with unusual challenges or circumstances which, to the untrained eye, will cause those around us to ask “What are you doing? Seriously! Are you nuts?”

Genesis 22 tells us the story of God commanding Abraham “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.”. Abraham chose obedience. Nothing in Genesis talks about Abraham questioning this command. He simply did it. It was only when he was about to run the blade into his son that God stopped him. For his obedience, God blessed him with what we now know as one of the most sacred covenants of God, the Abrahamic Covenant, delivered by an angel: “I swear by Myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed Me.” Abraham told no one what he was doing that morning, not even his son Isaac. But think about it for a second. If he had told anyone of what he was about to do, they would surely have been asking the same question or worse. Perhaps they would have taken drastic measures to stop him from this foolishness. And the world would never have been blessed with this covenant.

So why would I move to Florida and move away from my daughter? Certainly nothing as big as Abraham’s test. Countless friends, acquaintances, co-workers and even members of my Bible study group have asked me if I’m really moving. I’ve always known that if they knew the whole story they wouldn’t even be asking the question. The subject came up during our last Bible study meeting on May 1st. I shared my story with Tom during our fellowship time before things got started. There were easily 5 or 6 simultaneous conversations going on, but Tom listened attentively and, as everyone else who has heard the story before him, he was blown away. The rest of the group heard only small bits and pieces of the story and didn’t really “get it” so I was asked to share it again after closing prayer. Most in attendance agreed that this likely was God directing my path. Unfortunately, a couple members were not in attendance and missed out. Hopefully they will have the willpower to make it through the full reading of this long story.

Preface

This blog post will attempt to answer the question, “why are you moving to Florida?”. But to properly answer the question, I’ll have to provide some introductory material to set the stage. It’s this part of the story that has had me putting off this writing. I’ve been very concerned about what to say because I am not sure that I will find a way to provide the introductory information without someone getting their feelings hurt or perhaps claiming I’m skewing my story. So, in this scenario, I think I’ll play the truth card. The truth as I see it, that is. I’ll be eating some humble pie here because it includes some details that I’m not so proud of.

One other point I would like to preface my story with. This move to Florida is NOT about a girl. Sure, some will read this story, picking up superficial details, and infer in the end that it is all about a girl. If you read the story in detail, you will clearly see that this story is NOT about a girl.

Final preface. I pray that those who read this have faith in God because within the story, I discuss things that I have heard God say to me. If you are not a believer, this might seem a far-fetched concept to you. If you ARE a believer, you are aware of how God communicates with us. It is rarely in an audible voice and usually through circumstances. I pray that you understand what I mean when I say “I heard God say to me…”

Where it all started

In the beginning of 2008, I was going through a divorce. My marriage of 13+ years was over. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t end well. I’m sure people would say the same anytime a marriage ends in divorce but I think my case was especially difficult. As the marriage was ending, before the divorce was finalized, I was occasionally seeing a woman. For privacy sake, I’ll call her Betty. Betty was in the process of getting divorced herself. I’ve now officially learned that it’s never good to be in a relationship if either party is not yet divorced. For some reason, she had trust issues that I would return to my wife. Some of it came from her friends who gave her the advice to not trust a married man. Unfortunately, I was not given the same advice about a married woman. Such issues of distrust in me could only have come from not knowing all the details of my pending divorce. I was not going to be returning to my wife. By April 10th, 2008, my divorce was final, hers was not. We continued to see each other while she worked toward finalizing her divorce.

The long trip starts badly

In November, I took a much needed break from reality. I set out on a long road trip that would keep me away from the house for over two week. I was scheduled to attend training for work in Huntsville, AL the week before Thanksgiving. Believe it or not, I was planning on being with my cousin, Heidi, in Indiana for the week of Thanksgiving and Huntsville was more or less on the way to Indiana. I had made the plans to be at my cousin’s house for Thanksgiving the year before. Why? Well, for one thing, I had plans to be with my cousin Heidi and her family for Thanksgiving 2007. I was even preparing to leave to drive to her house on Tuesday Nov 20th, 2007. That was until I got a call from my brother in Pennsylvania on Monday Nov 19th that my mom had passed away.

On my way to Huntsville, I stopped off at my friend David Driver’s house in Mobile, AL. I hadn’t seen Dave in about 12 years. While there, I got a call from Betty. I won’t go into all the gory details of the call, but in summary the relationship was over. She was going to start trying to work things out with her husband. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be so emotionally invested with her, but I was. It tore me up. That was Saturday Nov 15th. The next day, I drove up to my hotel in Huntsville to prepare for my class.

Along comes an angel

It’s now a year later. It’s Monday night, Nov 17th. I was sitting in my hotel room watching TV, eating my dinner from Krystal’s restaurant and checking my e-mail. I was very upset both from the breakup I’d experienced over the weekend and the upcoming anniversary of my mom’s passing on the 18th/19th. By now, I’ve withdrawn from all of my friends. I’m not talking to anyone, and (gasp) I’m not surfing Facebook. As I’m checking my e-mail, a new email message comes in from Facebook saying that someone added me as a friend. I clicked the link to see who this person was. The name wasn’t familiar. I looked at her very attractive face and that didn’t help either. As you can guess, she was from Florida, and I’ll just call her Michelle. But why? Why did she add me as a friend? I accepted her friend request without knowing how significant this little action would be. I made a benign comment on her current status. My comment was nothing earth-shattering. I was just trying to be friendly.

The next morning was Nov 18th, the anniversary of my mom’s passing. I updated my Facebook status to something about the fact that I was remembering my mom. I then signed off for a couple days. I had no plans to surf Facebook on the 18th or 19th. While I was offline, Michelle had followed up my comment with a very touching, heartfelt sentiment that brought tears to my eyes. From her comment, it was obvious that she had seen my status update. Without knowing the first thing about me, this girl knew the exact words to touch my heart deeply. And that’s how it’s been ever since.

I do not know where she came from. We have no mutual Facebook friends. We live a world apart. But her words have always been just what I needed to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear them. Her words have touched me deeper than anyone else’s words ever have. It’s certainly a strange thing to say and, had I not experienced this myself, I don’t think even I would understand it. I know at some point, people will take this to somehow mean that my move has to do with Michelle. Stay tuned and you will clearly see that it does not.

Within a couple days we were talking on Yahoo Messenger. I was usually logged into messenger with my cell phone and used SMS text messaging to talk to my YIM friends.

The long trip continues

Later that week, I finished training and drove up to my cousin’s house in Indiana. A couple times while I was there, I received phone calls from Betty. I spent at least one night and the next afternoon in my cousin’s bedroom crying, trying to free myself of the pain of the last couple days and this unexpected breakup. Each time, I was in great pain. But each time, Michelle would somehow know that she needed to IM me with God's words of truth into my life. Each time, my spirit was renewed . It seemed as though she always knew the exact moment to reach out to me. To this day, I still don’t understand it.

The mystery

Just as quickly as she appeared, Michelle would disappear. She wouldn’t be online, she wouldn’t be on Facebook, she was nowhere. It became obvious that she was only around when I was hurting. It seemed like she was an angel sent from God, only to be there to comfort me when I was in pain.

A couple weeks later, I was again visiting with Bobby and Lana on the weekend of what would have been my mom and dad’s anniversary. On Saturday, Bobby and I decided to go visit my mom and dad’s grave. While we were out, we also decided to visit the grave of Bob’s younger brother, John. Bob and I were out at the drag strip in Baytown, 75 miles away, on the day John was found murdered in his apartment. Standing at John’s grave that day, I was overcome with emotion. I felt the rush of all of the emotions of sadness and anger I felt on the day of John’s funeral. An hour later, as Lana and I sat tearfully on her couch reminiscing and crying about her recently passed mother, I receive yet another an IM on my phone from Michelle. This has become quite more than coincidence now. I’m convinced, this girl is an angel sent from God to comfort me. Within the hour, I was feeling much better and Michelle was gone again. I did not hear from her at all for a couple weeks after that.

By this time, I realized that Michelle was someone who would be vitally important in my life and I wanted to get to know her. Not knowing what else to do, on Dec 27th, I sent the following message to Michelle on Facebook.

I've never been one to wish pain upon anyone, least of all myself. But I'm wishing for it now. And I don't do this without a good understanding of what I might be asking. Strangely, I have a friend, or at least I think I do, who only appears in my life during times of my extreme pain. You see, she appeared first during the week before Thanksgiving when I was finally realizing the extent of my pain from the loss of my mother the year before. She appeared again on the second weekend of December, the weekend which would have been my mom and dad's anniversary (12/12), just brief hours after I'd visited my mom and dad's grave as well as the grave of my best friend's younger brother. As I sat there at his house, weeping with him and his wife over the senseless loss of his brother almost 20 years ago, wondering "why?"... she re-appeared. Unfortunately, I haven't heard from her since. And if it takes pain for me to hear from her again, then I'm ready. Some friends are pain-worthy. I hope I can hear from her soon. If you get this, can you give her my cell phone number? I'd be eternally grateful. Mark <>< 713-xxx-xxxx cell

Within hours, I received a text message from Michelle telling me she would call that evening.

Over the next two months, Michelle and I became very good friends. As I came to find out, my words touched her as well. We seemed to feed on each others emotions. We exchanged what have been some of the most profound dialog I’ve experienced in my life. Our conversations have covered a broad spectrum of topics. And it hasn’t matter what we talk about, we've loved the conversations we had. When we talked on the phone, we rarely had conversations that were less than 2 hours. We often found ourselves up very late at night, talking on the phone, neither able to hang up the phone. We were two kindred spirits. With every conversation, we found a multitude of shared traits, likes and dislikes. It was uncanny.

The fresh start

At the end of December, I started praying to God for a fresh start in my life. On occasion, I had even joked with my friends about wanting to be "1,000 miles from here". I had no idea how accurately I would get my wish. I was asking God that if He would grant me a fresh start, that He would guide my path and begin closing and opening doors. Within a day or two, I received a call from the owner of the home I lease. Her words were ominous. “Mark, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. I’ve decided to put your house on the market. You’re going to have to move.” It was a loud “SLAM!” God had begun to close doors. I had just hoped he would open doors for me which were not in Houston. I really wanted to move away from my current situation. My landlord went on to explain that she didn’t expect this to happen any time soon but that I would likely need to move during the summer.

My friend Dave

While I lived in Pennsylvania, I led a couple different men’s Bible study groups out of my home. I had a friend named David E who was always a member of my groups. We met when he attended one of the first groups I had hosted. As it turned out, we work for the same company, but he was working in the office on the other side of town where I worked in when we first moved to PA. When my (now-) ex-wife decided we were moving to Texas, he and his wife had decided that they were going to move to Florida. A strange coincidence but no great significance at the time. Having been to each office to conduct some training in 1999, I told him about the offices in Orlando and Tampa. He decided to work in the Tampa office. He moved to Florida about three months before we moved back to Texas.

Dave E has been a faithful friend. He’s kept in touch with me and has prayed for me during my mom’s passing, my divorce and other very challenging circumstances. Near the end of January, he called to check up on me and asked again when I was going to come see him in Florida. I had been promising him I would make the trip “soon” for years. Again, I told him “soon”.

By the beginning of February, Michelle and I had talked about the possibility of meeting. I didn’t really see that happening, mostly out of my lack of self-confidence and my belief that such a meeting would only serve to harm our relationship, not help it. I felt it would be foolish for me to ruin a fantastic friendship by my selfish desire to meet her.

As we talked about this possibility, on the off chance that I decided to go through with it, I wondered how close Michelle lived to Dave. On Facebook, I could see that she lived in Lakeland. In a conversation, she mentioned that she was near Tampa, FL. Knowing Dave was working in the Tampa office, I decided to ask him if he knew where Lakeland was. His response? “Uh, yeah. I live in Lakeland, why?”. Wow! To me, this was a strange coincidence that both Michelle and Dave lived in the same town. So, I put it in the back of my mind that if I ever did fulfill my promise to Dave to come see him, I could also meet Michelle if I had the guts.

Late in February, while Michelle and I were discussing the fact that I had another friend who lived in Lakeland, she asked me to find out if my friend knew where her neighborhood was. She gave me the name of the neighborhood and I asked Dave. He said “Yeah, when we moved here we looked at moving into that neighborhood but we’re only like 5 miles from there now”. Another coincidence. Or was it? I started wondering if I should go ahead and make a trip to see Dave.

Somewhere around the same time, my ex-wife and daughter were finalizing their Spring Break plans. They planned to go to Pensacola and Panama City Beach for her Spring Break. My daughter asked me often if I would go with them. Unfortunately, as much as I would love to spend that much time with my daughter, I didn't want to commit to all that time with her mother.

California

The first week of March, I was in Pasadena, CA for team meetings. The following week was going to be my daughter’s Spring Break. While I was in California, I received numerous text messages from my daughter asking me if I had given any thought to going to Florida with them. To be honest, I’d given it a lot of thought but really didn’t want to go. But my daughter was persistent. On Tuesday night, back at the hotel I was talking on Facebook with a very good friend of mine from Jr/Sr high school named Jennifer. Jennifer knows a lot about my life experiences and I often use her as a sounding board for my life’s challenges During the conversation, I mentioned the unusual coincidence about how close Dave and Michelle live and how I feel like I need to go there to visit Dave and meet Michelle. She is surprised at the coincidences and asks, “Wait, what town do they live in?”

“Lakeland”, I say.

“Lakeland?” she asks. “Isn’t that where Sharon lives?”

“NO WAY!” I responded.

Jennifer and I have a mutual friend from Jr/Sr high school named Sharon. Sharon’s mom and my mom worked together and were VERY good friends when Sharon lived in Beaumont where I grew up. Unfortunately, during our high school years, Sharon and her family moved back to Florida. I’d lost contact with her for many years but she and I reconnected over the last couple years. When we reconnected, she told me the name of the town where she lived. But since I’d never heard of it and figured it was just one of those towns I would never visit, I just filed the information in the back of my head, never to be heard from again.

I caught Sharon on instant messenger the next morning. “What city do you live in there in Florida?”

“Lakeland, why?”, she asked.

Another coincidence.

By this time, perhaps my overactive, overly-analytic mind started to think that this might be where God wants me. While in Pasadena, I decided it was time take a trip and work a week in the Tampa office. I decided I would follow my ex and my daughter to Florida. While they went on to their hotel in Florida, I stopped an hour short and stayed again with my buddy David Driver in Mobile, AL. The next morning, I would make the drive the rest of the way to Dave E’s house in Lakeland.

The visit to Lakeland

I arrived in Lakeland on Sunday night. Dave E and I carpooled to work in the Tampa office the whole week except Friday. Monday evening, he and I went golfing, something he and I used to love to do in Pennsylvania. We tried to get a full round of golf in before the ranger had to chase us down, but we got in 12 holes.

Tuesday evening I met Michelle at a restaurant for dinner. My world was turned upside down. What an incredible woman she is. She is utterly captivating in mind, heart, spirit, conversation and beauty. She's also a dedicated mom. I was convinced that I just wanted to wrap my life around her.

On Wednesday night, Sharon and her family had me over for dinner. It was great getting to catch up with her and see how her life is going. Although she and I have talked on IM, nothing beats face-to-face conversation to catch up on the last 20+ years. (Did I just say that?)

On Thursday night, Dave E’s wife made dinner for me at their home. I offered to take everyone to dinner. His wife opted to cook dinner herself. She is such a great woman. Dave E is a very fortunate guy to have her.

On Friday morning, I headed out of town.

One of the things I had planned to do while in Lakeland was to look around for an apartment. I mean, after all, this is where God wants me, right? Well, once I arrived in Lakeland and realized what a long drive it had been from Spring to Lakeland (about 16 hours), I realized that I could never move that far from my daughter. That was just too much for me. I mean, having three friends in such a small area was a HUGE coincidence, but that’s not enough for me to move so far away from my daughter. I’d obviously misunderstood God’s signs. I was not meant to live in Lakeland. I’ve made a mistake.

During my visit, I only visited one apartment complex, and even that visit wasn’t intentional. On Thursday night, Dave E needed to check on his mother-in-law’s condo in the Village at Lake Highlands community. This community has both condos and apartments. While we were on the property, Dave E showed me where he and his wife lived when they moved down from PA. We also went into his mother-in-law’s place. While on the property, he showed me what the apartments looked like. I liked the neighborhood a lot and it was right next to the golf course Dave E and I had played Monday night. Close proximity to a golf course is always a good thing.

While in Lakeland, Michelle spoiled me. Other than the night we had dinner, she wasn’t available to spend any more time with me in person because it would mean giving up some of her obligations as a mother. That was something I wouldn't ask her to do. Instead, we spent hours every night on the phone. I think we were both amazed at all of our commonalities.

My faith is very important to me. Lately, I’ve been strongly considering getting back into an AG church. Dave E attends a large AG church there in Lakeland. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see it when I was there. He told me it was all the way on the other side of town. Odd, I thought, that he would pick a church all the way on the other side of town because he's in a very church-rich area! I mean, as I was arriving at his house on Sunday night, he stayed on the phone with me giving me directions as I drove from the Polk Parkway to his house. In the just over 4 miles from the parkway to his house, I passed many churches.

During one of our conversations, Michelle and I discussed church. During the conversation, Michelle mentioned the church that she grew up in was way on the other side of town. If you were to guess that it's the same church that Dave E and his family attend, you would be right. Coincidence?

The trip home from Lakeland

So, it was time for me to leave town. I had to work Saturday morning and decided that to make best use of my time I would do the work from David Driver’s place in Mobile, AL. So I headed out of town on Friday on my way to Mobile. Saturday morning, I got work wrapped up. Just as I was finishing, my ex and my daughter met me at David D’s house so I could follow them home to Houston.

It rained pretty much the whole way home from Mobile to Houston. The trip which should have taken 8 or fewer hours took over 9. About 7 hours into the trip, I was almost repeating to myself in prayer “Lord, I can’t do this. I can’t move to Tampa. Three friends in one little town is a really big coincidence. But it's just that, a coincidence. I can’t do it, I can’t move this far from my daughter for three friends. It’s not enough!” Just then, I got a text message from Jim, the video director at church. He and I work closely together at church. I usually run the teleprompter, but whenever he is out, I am usually the person they contact to direct in his place. His text message simply asked “Hey, is next weekend the weekend you are unable to direct for me?” I responded “Yes, next weekend my friend is coming down from Chicago and we’re going to the rodeo”. His response was short and to the point, “OK. Just checking”. The conversation is now over.

As I put the phone back in my cup holder, I felt the Lord tell me to text Jim and tell him that I’m driving home from Tampa. I wondered “Why, Lord? Why will Jim even care that I’m driving home from Tampa?” I sent Jim a text message: “So, I’ll see you tomorrow morning at church. I’m just driving back from Tampa”. Very quickly I get a text message back “Dude, what were you doing in Tampa?” So I told him “Believe it or not, I was looking for a place to live”. My phone rings. It’s Jim. “Dude! Are you SERIOUS? You’re thinking about moving to Tampa? That’s awesome! Tampa’s the one town I fly into that I don’t have anyone to hang out with on my layovers. Dude, if you move to Tampa, I’ll get to see you more in there than I do here!” Ok, Lord. Make that FOUR friends.

Making the decision tougher

You may disagree, but it was clear to me that God wanted me to reconsider the move to Florida. I considered it (not-so-seriously) for about a month. This whole process has been very humbling for me. To think that the God of the universe would go through this much trouble for me, leaves me speechless. But even more so, I’ve heard Him speak to me several times. In these instances, it has not been an audible voice. But each time, I’ve heard him nonetheless.

I caused myself great pain trying to make this decision on my own. There are some issues I don’t mind dancing around but if this writing is going to be 100% honest as best I know it, I have to come clean about a couple things.

I am sure there is something in my head that wants more out of this relationship with Michelle. I mean, I get the whole fact that she's WAY too good for me. But emotionally, I am really not totally ready to invest my heart again. She and I became very close but it is clear to me that she deserves so much better than I ever hope to be. That’s not at all a self-deprecating statement. It’s just the truth. I think it's the small part of me that wants more from that relationship that has made it very difficult for me to make my decision. That small part of me, that Tuesday night, was convinced that I just wanted to wrap my life around her.

As I arrived home from Lakeland, knowing now that there are FOUR people in the area that I would know if I moved there, I was getting ready to go to bed. I felt the Lord speak to me about my decision I have been weighing. He told me that I needed to make this decision as if Michelle was not going to be involved in my life in Lakeland.

This was very hard to hear. To be honest, Michelle and I had become so close as friends. Excluding her from the equation is almost impossible. How do you just write someone important to you out of your life? This difficult detail dragged my decision out for a long time.

Just thinking about what I’d heard the Lord say, I couldn’t believe it. I waited and waited for things to go sour with Michelle. Surely that’s what’s going to happen, right? Surely I’m going to do or say something stupid and things will go south. I figured as soon as things between us went south, then I could make an objective decision. I waited and waited. It never happened. Instead, we just got closer.

The sermons

We all know how God sometimes speaks to us through our pastors and the message the pastor has for the week. The week before Easter, the message our pastor had was pretty clear to me. Two salient points:

“We have to trust God even when it doesn’t make sense”.

“We have to trust God even if it means disappointment”.

Both of these points applied to me. Moving to Florida and away from my daughter didn’t make sense and it surely would mean disappointment: Disappointment of not getting to see my daughter as often as I do now.

The pastor used the illustration of Abraham to emphasize his point. To me, I got it, even without all the illustration.

My cousin, Dave

During the month following my return from Lakeland, I had heard from my cousin, David Kordelski about a possible change in his work situation. Although he was now living in Wisconsin, he and I have been very close since we grew up together in Beaumont. On one of my trips to Chicago, I’d even made an evening trip to meet him in Portage, WI, about the halfway point between him and Chicago. So, for about a year or so, I’ve gotten various messages from him about moving away from Wisconsin. He’d thrown out names of towns all over this great country and I had REALLY (selfishly) been hoping he would decide on one in Texas so I might get to see him more often than once every 20 years.

It was now the week before Easter. I was at a Tuesday night vocal team rehearsal (4/7/09) for the Easter services. Before rehearsals started, I spoke on the phone with my friend Jennifer whom I mentioned earlier. I left out this detail earlier: when we were all in school, Jennifer and my cousin David were boyfriend/girlfriend. Strange how things come together, isn’t it? One of the questions she asked me was “What do you think about David and his job opportunities? Do you think it will be Florida? or Missouri?” Since she knew all of the coincidences of this journey I’ve been on, I answered simply “If it’s anything, it’s GOT to be Missouri because Florida would be WAY too much of a coincidence!”

During rehearsals, between his songs, I had been spending time discussing my situation with one of the worship leaders, Doc Holiday. Doc is one of the most genuine Christians I know. In the church I’m attending, Doc is, without a doubt, my role model. It doesn’t hurt that he comes from a poor upbrining like me, a Pentacostal church like me, AND he’s got a phenomenal voice, UNlike me. Doc’s assessment was clear. With a big grin he said, “With all those signs? You need to be heading east dude!”. I told Doc I didn’t think I could. “Why not?” he asked. “It means leaving my daughter here”. Immediately Doc’s expression changed and he said “Yeah. That’s a deal-breaker, dude!”.

With that, Doc shook his head and headed back onto the stage to rehearse his song for the Easter services. I prayed “Lord. I know you’ve now shown me four people in this small area who I will know if I move to the area. But it’s still not enough. I cannot leave my daughter for four friends. Yes, this is a huge coincidence but I think I have misunderstood your direction. I cannot do this.”. Before Doc had even started his song, I received a text message from Facebook. As you might be aware, you can configure Facebook to send you a text message when one of your favorite friends updates their status. My cousin David had updated his status. “Dave Kordelski had to tell kids first. I took a position in Naples,FL. I will start around May 1st. Family will come later. Really cool how it all came together!”

I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I immediately updated my status on Facebook. “Mark Kordelski CANNOT BELIEVE his cousin David is moving to Naples FL.”. Now, I have a best friend named Jen (not the same as "Jennifer") who is an atheist. I love her with all of my heart. If you knew her, you would too. She IS my best friend and during this journey I have been sharing these “coincidences” with her. All along, I’ve asked her “Is this a coincidence?”. “What about this?” “Another coincidence?”.

Within five minutes of my status update, Jen commented on my status: “another coincidence, huh?”

I responded: “No kidding. Waiting for David to call but my phone is about dead and I'm at rehearsals at church”.

It was as if God himself had said “OK, four friends is not enough? How about I throw in a 5th. Let’s even make him a relative! Oh, and let’s just make it someone you’re CLOSE TO, who you’ve been wanting to see more of. We good now?” I was blown away.

I talked to Dave on the phone on the way home from church that night. Dave had no idea what I was going through. He had no clue that I was even considering moving to Florida. From his perspective, the fact that he got the job in Naples was miraculous in and of itself. In fact, he followed up my comment on Facebook with a comment of his own to show how significant this was:

No coincidence, just God-incidents! Friday I thought I had two choices. Monday morning MO was off the table and based on an email Naples looked to have fallen apart as well. God had already opened the door to FL, I just didn't find out how he was leading till Monday afternoon. One little phone call changed every thing. In reality one GREAT BIG GOD changed everything just the way he planned. I am amazed and grateful. Also, excited, nervous, happy, anxious etc. I need to just keep trusting in Him and follow instead of trying to lead. Mark you are in my prayers for the difficult decisions ahead. Pray for wisdom and clarity.... P.S. Pray for a house on the beach close to your fave cuz (that would be me!) Peer pressure......."all your friends are doing it!!" ROFL Hang in there.

Pastor Rodney – decision time

By Friday morning, I received a message on my Facebook wall from my former pastor from the church where I was saved in Pennsylvania. Pastor Rodney was one of my closest friends in Pennsylvania. He was the men’s pastor and I was always hosting men’s Bible study groups. He was almost always in attendance. He now has his own AG church in Hazelton, PA. His message on my Facebook was almost ominous. “you owe me a call.570-xxx-xxxx”. I was pretty sure I knew what this was about but I wasn’t sure I wanted to face it.

By Easter Sunday, I knew I needed to call Pastor Rodney. On my way home from our last Easter service I called, explained the entire situation to him and he asked me a couple simple questions. First, “What do you feel God is telling you to do?” I told him I felt it was clear to me that God wants me in Lakeland for some reason. He asked “so why don’t you just do it?” I told him “I can’t leave my daughter! Why would God want me to leave my daughter?” He said “Well, that is understandable. But how much would it cost for you to fly her from Houston to Tampa?” I told him “I dunno. Maybe $200 or $250?” He said “Well, surely you could budget that in every couple months, right?” “Yes”, I said.

“So what else?” was his next question. I said “That’s it, but that’s a pretty big deal!”. He said “Yes, it’s a big deal, but we’ve already resolved that, right?” “Yes”, I said.

So Pastor Rodney asked again “What do you feel God is wanting you to do”. “Move to Lakeland” I responded. His next question hit my like a ton of bricks. There’s nothing like a pastor who speaks the truth to you in love.

“So, if you are confident that this is what God wants you to do, why are you choosing to be disobedient?”

Ouch!

He told me I need to make a choice and set a timetable. So I did. I decided while I was on the phone with him to make the move. The timetable would have to come later.

Easing the burden

The week after Easter, on Tuesday April 14th, the ex-wife came over and I was doing her taxes. I made the difficult decision to tell her about about my choice to move to Florida. She had heard rumors from my daughter, but didn't get it officially from me yet. I expected her to be very upset and I was expecting an argument to ensue. That’s actually why I told her before I started her taxes. Considering the fact that the next day was Tax Day she pretty much needed me to do her taxes. She couldn’t afford to make me angry. She was surprisingly calm. She told me that it was good because they would likely be moving too. It was something she had been considering for a while, unbeknownst to me. That night, she said they were moving back up to Pennsylvania, but I knew in my heart that she’s been wanting to move back to Florida as long as I’ve known her. Since that night, she and my daughter have decided to move to Florida, near Pensacola. That will be good for all of us, as the drive to see my daughter will only be about 6 hours instead of 16.

Where to live?

I made my decision to move on Easter Sunday. I’ve now been satisfied with my decision. I’m content.

On the first of May, I decided finally get off my butt and do some looking around online for apartments. As I mentioned, I was already aware of the apartments at the Village of Lake Highland. But Michelle had kidded with me that she wanted me to live close to her so she could ride her bike to my place and drink my Gatorade. She’d even told me I should move into the house across the street from her to make it easy. I found an apartment complex named Huntington at Sundance. It was close to Michelle but it was a little out of the way if Dave E and I should decide to continue to carpool to the Tampa offices. I decided this is where I want to live.

I contacted their office and even had them e-mail me all of the paperwork I needed to get the ball rolling. But something didn’t feel right. I didn’t know what it was. I put off getting the paperwork started. I just put it off.

I knew that I wanted to give my landlord 60 days notice. I also knew that it was now May 1st and if I was going to be in Florida for the beginning of July, I needed to act now. For some reason, I just didn’t feel right. Something in me was unsettled.

Days later, on May 5th, Michelle text me asking if I had set a move date yet. I remember at least once giving her the excuse that I’d forgotten. After receiving her text, I decided to go ahead and get the ball rolling. The Huntington at Sundance apartments had a web site where I could pay $10 to fill out the necessary paperwork to pre-certify with them. Because of the bankruptcy that was one of the very fortunate outcomes of my divorce, I knew I would have some problems, I just didn’t know how much. In our phone conversations, the complex had told me that people like me with poor credit usually just have to provide a larger down payment. I was fine with that.

So I went online and filled out the online form, paid my $10 to pre-certify and was promptly declined. I called the manager and asked about it. She looked everything over and simply said that without a co-signer, there was nothing she could do. I asked if there was anyone to whom I could a letter explaining my case. She told me that she was the property manager, gave me her e-mail address and agreed to review my e-mail. I wrote an impassioned letter explaining all the reasons I felt they should feel ok leasing to me.

I was so disgusted by the denial, I went to lunch with my co-worker. While we were having lunch, wouldn’t you know that I received a call from my landlord informing me that she had decided not to put the house on the market and I can stay as long as I like. What?!?

That was when I felt the Lord speak to me. This message was not as direct as the last one, but to me it clearly referred back to the message I'd received about making my decision under the assumption that she was not going to be a part of my life. I can't really put the message into words but it was something like "She's not a part of your life" or "She's not going to be a part of your life". The message was more of a burden to my heart than spoken words and it just kept replaying over and over in my head the rest of the day. Needless to say, I was disheartened, but I should have seen it coming.

I never received a response to my e-mail to Huntington at Sundance. Clearly God did not want me that close to Michelle. I should have known. Besides, like I said, it just didn't feel right.

Despite this news, I believe I have been able to work it out to be able to rent a place at Village at Lake Highlands. Is it coincidence that MapQuest shows the driving distance between my home and the Village at Lake Highlands is 1,002 miles? I think I can feel comfortable rounding that out to 1,000 miles. Coincidence? What about Huntington at Sundance? That would have been 1,026 miles. I wouldn’t have felt as comfortable about rounding that out to 1,000 miles. Looks like I might get my way on the “1,000 miles from here” request. We'll see. Stay tuned.

So it’s all about the girl right?

Wrong.

Things continued to grow strong between me and Michelle until about a week ago. In April, I bought her some gifts for her birthday (and for Easter) back in April. In exchange, for my birthday in May, she went above and beyond and made my birthday incredibly memorable.

After my birthday, somehow, things between us have become strained. I am not sure why but at least I knew it was coming. God was nice enough to give me a little warning to prepare myself for this. I still hope that I misunderstood the message that day. That perhaps she WILL be a part of my life.

But this does not alter my plans. I still feel God wants me there. I still don’t know why, but I have to believe He knows why He has a plan.

And I’m moving.

To Florida.